Monday, October 08, 2012

Dr. Evil's step-by-step guide to stealing the Endeavor

Jalopnik - How To Steal The Space Shuttle: A Step-By-Step Guide


Yesterday morning I was at the California Science Center's press conference outlining their plan to drag a massive spaceship across Los Angeles. It was one of those times where logistics can make even the most outlandish plans seem boring, as they went over schedules and road closures and the like. While they were describing the locations where Endeavour would be stopped for viewing or technical reasons, I realized that this was the most exposed this priceless spaceship will ever be. Which, of course, got me thinking. Could someone steal the Space Shuttle?

The LAPD officers in charge of the security portion of the massive moving project were there, but it was pretty clear their responsibilities had to do with keeping people and the city safe, not protecting the Shuttle from theft. I asked both officers if they thought, given Bond supervillian-levels of resources, it would be possible for someone to steal the shuttle.

They made two mistakes in their answers. First mistake was that the first cop told me it was "impossible." The second mistake was that the other policeman told me "I won't say impossible." Now it sounds like a challenge.

(Now, before we get started, I should probably mention to any supervillians or countries reading this that we in no way condone the theft of the Space Shuttle, or 300,000 lbs of any public property. We're just having fun here.)

Actually, the second LAPD officer qualified "not impossible" by saying it would take "supernatural powers," but I get the idea. It'd be really, really hard.

Naturally, I couldn't quit thinking about it. After sketching out some bad ideas and consulting both the Jalopnik Council of Elders and our mainframe (located deep below Los Angeles, in one of Barry White's old hot tubs), I think I came up with a viable plan, in seven steps. Here it is:




This was awesome...

(via - Morning Roundup: How to Steal a Space Shuttle)

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