Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Thursday, December 19, 2013

IT Aphorisms - (For example, "I’m not afraid of hard work, unless it is me doing it.")

simple talk - Phil Factor - IT Aphorisms

An aphorism is a concise or laconic statement that expresses an element of truth, and maybe a sting in the tail. such as ‘I’m an atheist, thank God’, or ‘The bearing of a child takes nine months, no matter how many women are assigned.’ An aphorism that is too often repeated becomes a cliché.

The literature of Information Technology in general is short of aphorisms. It IT, we don’t tend to use them much, Although DBAs will recognize Paul Randal’s famous ‘The answer, as always, is that it depends.’ we generally pine for the seventies when greats such as Fred Brooks Jr, with his classic ‘The Mythical Man-Month’, used the form to perfection. It is full of aphorisms such as ‘our estimating techniques fallaciously confuse effort with progress, hiding the assumption that men and months are interchangeable’, ‘Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later..’, or ‘How does a project get to be a year late?… One day at a time’. Fred Brooks wrote in a flowing prose style of extended aphorisms and the book is as fresh as when it appeared in 1975

I’d like to attempt to revive the tradition of the aphorism in IT writing and presentations, and to get you started I came up with a few to give you the idea of the sort of humor I enjoy. I hope you’ll contribute your own aphorisms as comments.

  • Excuse this complex and intricate code, I didn’t have the time to make it simple.
  • If every well-known DBA in the world was laid end-to-end, I’d assume it was the effect of the evening Partying at SQL PASS.
  • I’m not afraid of hard work, unless it is me doing it.
  • The only time you can predict the release date of software is after it has happened.
  • Only a youngster can make a fortune with a startup, since age brings the knowledge and experience that it is impossible.
  • ...
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This post had me at the first one (darn, I think I've said that too... Doh! lol)

[Humor] Installing Java...

agile scout - Installing Java…

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There's some java I love, and some I hate... I'll leave it up to you to guess which is which.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

[Humor] It's not a bug, it's an...

xkcd - Undocumented Feature

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This had people asking me what was so funny this morning. Having just listed to a podcast where they were talking about videos in news streams, this stuck my funny bone...

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Bingo! Your BS Bingo Cards for about every occasion

Agile ScoutBulls*t Bingo Scaled Agile Framework

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Before each daily scrum, visit Scaled Agile Framework (SAFe) Bingo and print one copy of this game card for each player,refreshing the page before each print, or have the players print their own bingo cards. These instructions will not be printed. You can also select an embeddable card only version of the game or a multiple card version of the game when playing on line, or with a smart phone.

Check off each block when you hear these words during the daily scrum...

Bullshit Bingo Game!

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Software Development Bingo!

Before each meeting or conference call, visit Software Development Bingo and print one copy of this game card for each player, refreshing the page before each print, or have the players print their own bingo cards. These instructions will not be printed. You can also select an embeddable card only version of the game or a multiple card version of the game when playing on line, or with a smart phone.

Check off each block when you hear these words during the meeting or conference call. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!!!". Or play as a drinking game and for every block you mark off, take a sip, and finish your drink each time you get five blocks in a row

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I didn't see a "Yearly Budget Planning Bingo" card... must work on that.  :P

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

[Humor] Death by Cube...

Agile Scout - The Slow Cubicle Death – Welcome to Corporate America [Funny]

This guy does say:

“Pushing me to the brink of homicide… maybe lose my mind… maybe kill him.”

Since people at work might (maybe, could be, okay they never do, but just in case...) I'm going to keep my comments to myself. But I did have a sympathetic laugh at this this morning...

Friday, November 15, 2013

Katniss the cat in the kitty remake of The Hunger Games

CNET - Katniss the kitty? Cats remake 'The Hunger Games'

"Meow the odds be ever in your favor!" The Pet Collective casts cats in the roles of Katniss Everdeen and the other beloved characters from "The Hunger Games."

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(Image Credit: CNET -> The Pet Collective)

It's hard to improve on the hit movie and beloved best-selling series "The Hunger Games" -- unless, of course, you replace all the humans with cats. Instead of elaborate special effects, the movie set is "Sweded" (re-created using the cheapest materials possible) into a cardboard masterpiece. Or is that meow-sterpiece?

..."

Having just recently read the three Catching Fire books, well, watching this put a whole new light on the series. And it's pretty darn funny too... :)

Thursday, October 31, 2013

"Halloween Costumes for Programmers" Comic

Global Nerdy - Halloween Costumes for Programmers (and IT People)

As a way of promoting their new in-the-browser development tool, the folks at Koding have posted this comic.

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You can tell it's been a long week when the Hard Drive took me a few seconds to get...

“Ship it, Maybe” - Yammer's software shipping parody

OneNote Testing - A really great parody of shipping software

From my new friends in Yammer, here is “Ship it, Maybe”:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R3aBwcDtwU  (Sorry but I can't get embedded video to work).

Light sabers, bell curves, and beer.  Wow.

Well done folks!

“Ship it, Maybe”

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This had me laughing and singing along (well, not out loud as my cube mates would have killed me, but you get the idea... :)

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Zombie Post of the Day #2: Zombie Combat Battalion Scrolls (ZOCOM) - Get your Zombie Tab here...

Zombie Combat Battalion Scrolls (ZOCOM)

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Soldiers qualified for Zombie combat wear the Zombie tab. Those serving in one of four Zombie combat BNs wear the scroll.

The Zombie Combat Command has seen much success in the past three years. Containing all major Zombie incidents within the United States, the creation of the 26th Zombie Combat Regiment, with four Zombie Combat Battalions has been approved. The first, second and third Zombie Combat Battalions are actively recruiting soldiers to fill their ranks.

For more information, please visit our website:

http://zombiecombatcommand.com/26th-zombie-combat-regiment/

PERKS:

Here are some reasons why you should be a member of the 26th Zombie Combat Regiment.
1) Show that you are second to none when it comes to killing Zombies.
2) Get featured in the Zombie Combat Command comic!
3) If you get the fireteam or fireteam leader backings, you can feature yourself and three others in the comic.
4) If you get the squad or squad leader backings, you can feature yourself and nine others in the comic!
5) You can order Zombie tabs (issued ONLY by ZOCOM) at any time. No need to wait for recruitment or drives.

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Come on you know you want to pony up some funds to get you and your team part of one of the Zombie Combat Battalions (1st is my choice, but 2nd works too, having spent some time in the 2D... ;) With 14 days to go, of the total 15, they've already hit their funding too.

I've had to keep myself uber-busy today to avoid my wife's wrath (i.e. I SO want the big package for my team and son, but... but... um... maybe if I loot the change bottle... um... ;)

 

Related Past Post XRef:
[Zombie, Humor] - US Army Zombie Combat Command & FM 999-3 (Counter-Zombie Operations at the Fireteam Level)

Zombie Post of the Day #1: "Cloudy with a chance of ZOMBIES!!!"

Channel 9 - Cloudy with a chance of ZOMBIES!!!

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Bizarre things happen around All Hallows Eve...and Microsoft is no exception. This year we tell you the tale of an over-worked Cloud employee...and his terrifying solution. Sit back, relax and enjoy our comical tale of data gone wrong.

The Channel 9 team does it again...

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Place your bets now on who's going to be the next Microsoft CEO...

TechCrunch - You Can Bet On Who Will Be Microsoft’s Next CEO (Marissa Mayer Pays Out 33 To 1)

A betting service has compiled a list of potential candidates for Microsoft’s soon-to-be-vacant CEO role that you can wager on. It’s a partially serious, partially silly list. Microsoft COO Kevin Turner as CEO? Perhaps. Apple CEO Tim Cook as the new Microsoft boss? Probably not.

But Turner pays out but 6 to 1 while Cook is a 100 to 1 longshot, so place your bets accordingly.

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Ladbrokes - Next Microsoft CEO

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Interesting the odds on Steve Sinofsky... Also a shame we don't the Gu in this list... :P

[Humor] NSA Job Application Flowchart

AllThingsD - NSA Job Application Flowchart

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Thursday, August 08, 2013

[Humor] One-liners that only DBA's and T-SQL'ers will get...

Brent Ozar - One-Line Romantic Stories of SQL Server

"When they finally sat down to define their relationship, he was stunned to discover that he had a child table.

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These had me laughing...

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

27 Things only a Dev will find funny...

BuzzFeed - 27 Things Only Developers Will Find Funny

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LOL, That's ME! LOL

Fat Greg working...

DCP_2885

Skinny Greg looking...

!cid__1205091254

Anyway... The other items in this list are pretty funny too... :P

(via Rob Caron - Top 10 Microsoft Developer Links for Tuesday, July 30th)