If Chuck Norris were a programmer, here's what his resume preamble might look like...

Project 31-A - Updating My Resume

"The new preamble to my resume:

I piss excellence. Bill Gates retired from Microsoft only when I promised to work there. I don’t version my code because it only needs a single iteration. Intel optimizes their hardware to match my compiler – not the other way around. My code comments have won a Pulitzer Prize. My current code style will be consider a best practice in two years—at that time I will think it is obsolete. The programing languages that I don’t know I haven’t invented yet. I don’t submit to source control – it submits to me. Since I have never introduced a bug to the code base, my hiring can put the testing department out of work. I don’t require an office chair -- I levitate in front of my desk. ...

..."

This made me laugh... As a hiring manager, this might get a resume a second look and the person in for a visit (as long as it WASN'T copy and pasted from the above post... only if their content was original. :)